Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Friday, June 28, 2013

Planting Rosemary

She spent years trying to forget
Looking for a place to bury the feelings
she didn't believe she should have
She didn't understand
why the ghosts kept haunting her

She tried to fill the empty space
with slogans
with battles
with righteousness
She didn't understand
why it grew larger
with every effort

She wasn't entitled to tears
Her loss was her doing
She didn't understand
how she could miss something
she never wanted

She didn't understand
why she dreamed
of counting fingers and toes
and woke with her heart pounding
in her aching chest

She didn't understand
why she felt compelled to apologize
or to whom
when she felt no regret

She didn't understand
why certain dates made her sad
and why her sadness
made her angry

She didn't understand
why she felt she had to scream
with her ears covered
so she didn't hear her own screaming

She didn't understand
that black and white
don't always make grey
There are hues that words can't describe
and that most eyes
can't see

And if she didn't understand,
how could anyone else?

submitted for Imaginary Garden With Real Toads, Fireblossom Friday, Loss
and for d'Verse Poets Pub, Listen To This: Anaphora


Hannah said...

Tears are my response and how does one type tears. Very affecting. Those last stanzas...painful and honest. Thank you, Lola Mouse.

Claudia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Claudia said...

gave it a re-read.. think the title confused me first - this is a moving and brutally honest piece - i think many women who were in that situation fight their whole life with those feelings and at a certain point she has to forgive herself - think there's no other way out..

Anonymous said...

Wow, this is strong and, as Claudia has said, brutally honest. The anaphoric repetitions really add to the whole intense, even claustrophobic, feel of the poem.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Rosemary for remembrance - and remember we do, despite all, as you have shown here, quite unsparingly and without sentiment. This is one of those rare poems - an emotional journey and a dilemma that calls into question the easy answers we often seek for life's hardest partings.

hedgewitch said...

This is just excellent, lm--it goes down like a long drink of water--smooth and quenching, though it might be a bit uncomfortably bitter in its truthy aftertaste. One of your best, imo.

Isadora Gruye said...

this one is definitely making me have feels. This clearly illustrates the ideal of grief as a consequence of circumstance. Well done and viva la

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I applaud you for writing about this kind of loss and grief, a perhaps hidden grief that is just as real as any other kind. A great write, and I agree with Hedge - one of your best.

Anonymous said...

This deeply touching write hurled me right into that moment of clarity we all experience (as a gift, even if a painful one) from time-to-time. Your use of repetition helped bring it home.

Brian Miller said...

def a strong and personal write...and some of the questions that haunt us...and our efforts as well...the things we fill them with...She didn't understand
how she could miss something
she never wanted...that bit struck me....nicely done...

Maude Lynn said...

This is tremendously powerful. Damn.

Pat Tillett said...

Wow! This is so powerfully written and so full of strong emotions. I felt it and that is about the highest compliment I can give you.

Helen said...

.... one of the finest poems I've read.

Anonymous said...

So much emotion, memories, struggle leaving me feel lost.-J.lynn

J Cosmo Newbery said...

A powerful statement exposing conflict, doubt and confusion. An engrossing read but troubling too.

Susie Clevenger said...

The grief of choices...you speak that so profoundly here. Powerful piece.

grapeling said...

Loss in each line, each stitched together without seam.

Kay L. Davies said...

Sometimes we're so sure we'll be able to forget, and are so surprised to find out we can't.
An excellent write, Ms Mouse, and a heartbreaking one.
Luv, K

Unknown said...

wow powerful..hidden grief..painful!

not displayed said...

So sad and beautiful. You can feel the bewilderment in the feelings

Marian said...

what the head knows is right, personally or generally, and what the heart experiences are often so far apart. this is simply beautiful and i am very glad you shared it. thank you.

Ella said...

Bravo you exposed and expressed the dance of emotions. Grief is difficult and I too captured the Rosemary=remembrance~

This is a descent into the mood we feel conflicted to share....
It is an amazing write-I'm in awe!

Fireblossom said...

I came and read this Friday night, but was too tired to appreciate it. I'm glad I waited and came back today, because this is searing and honest and exceptional. I think a lot of women who have had abortions feel this way. Just because we can, and just because it was the right decision in the circumstances of the moment, doesn't mean it won't haunt. You've expressed that unsparingly here, and it makes me feel heartsick right along with the speaker in the poem. She *is* entitled to her tears.

Lolamouse said...

Thanks all for your kind comments. This was a tough one to write.