Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Friday, April 15, 2011

Elegy for a Childhood

image source
It was the thirteenth of September
I gave you what you wanted
Afraid that you would run
I lost more than my innocence
I lost my sense of trust
That bad things just don't happen
To good little kids like us.

I watched the days creep by
On my calendar on the wall
I watch the summer sun
Become the winds of fall
I hated you for what you did
And I hated God for fate
I prayed each morning on the bathroom scale
Then see if I'd gained weight.

It was the thirteenth of November
Two months to the day
I walked in to the clinic
The price I had to pay
To pay for our stupidity
With my shame, my fear, my blood
In two hours I walked out the door
You were relieved
I wasn't pregnant anymore.

If we'd known what we would create
If we'd known what we would destroy
If we'd known how our lives would change that day
Would it have made a difference anyway?

Aside from minor editing, this poem was written in 1990 and has been hibernating in a folder since then. I decided it was ready to come out today.

submitted for Thursday Think Tank at Poets United


Eileen T O'Neill ..... said...


A very comprehensive and personal account, of a life changing experience.
Your words, bravely say it all......


Paul Andrew Russell said...

Very moving writing, Lolamouse. Glad you took it out of the folder.

Bryan White said...

Wow. I wouldn't even know what to say that wouldn't sound completely lame after that, so I won't even try.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Thanks for trusting us enough to share this, Lolamouse. Your words are very moving, and I can well imagine what pain, physical and emotional, that that young girl went through, for far more than that one day. Very poignant.

Unknown said...


Jingle said...

creative and powerful.

keep it up.

Anonymous said...

lolamouse - if it has been in dark crevices for years waiting to surface, and you felt compelled to share - bravo for your courage and strength ... not an easy feat, but it speaks volumes!

M. A. S. said...

I held off on commenting because I thought I should have some fabulous insightful thing to say. It's a great poem. That's all I got.
Hope you don't mind, I linked to it from my blog.


Marcoantonio Arellano (Nene) said...

Thanks for sharing a human condition about which so many keep within.

Brian Miller said...

this breaks my heart...so personal and a tough decision to face at such an age...

Isabel Doyle said...

poetry is perfect for the deepest darkest parts of us - but it takes real courage to write and amazing bravery to share ...

thank you

The Book of Shadows (The Dark Side) said...

Wow, this is heavy but greatly penned... Say, that was one of those moment that left the thought thoughtless...

Christine said...

Moving on so many levels.

Lolamouse said...

Thank you all for your kind and supportive comments. This is a great community out here in Blogland!

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Very moving! Beautiful job!

Fireblossom said...

Wow. My heart aches for that young girl.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for letting this one out,21 years is a long hibernation.Powerful last line.

Ella said...

The heartache and anxiety, you painted it so well~
It was very touching! Great job with a difficult subject~

JustRex said...

Dammit. I have a way with most words and you have left me with none. Except well done.