Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Friday, April 5, 2013

Prosthetic Conscience

Are you tired of feeling shame, guilt, and remorse?
Is your superego super annoying?
Are you letting your sense of responsibility 
keep you from doing what you really want to do?
Well, friends, help is on the way!
From the company that brought you “Bubblicious Boobs”
(they’re so round and perky they can be used as an emergency flotation device!)
and pioneered the medical and automotive service 
“Drive-Thru Facelift”
(get your face fixed and your car washed in one simple trip *)
We now bring you “Konstant Konscience,” 
the next wave in psychological enhancement!
Never again will your pesky, low tech conscience bother you 
with its “thou shalts” and “thou shalt nots!”
Konstant Konscience is a lifelike, prosthetic conscience!
You can now have the appearance of a fully developed conscience
without the constant badgering and morality!
In one quick and painless**procedure, 
our bored and certified surgeons***
will remove your old, outdated conscience
and replace it with a new, state of the art 
Konstant Konscience****
Within minutes after your procedure,*****
you will be able to enjoy the life you’ve always wanted to lead
without the nagging burden of contrition 
that has always held you back!
So, call the toll-free******number NOW 
and begin your guilt free life TODAY!!!
HURRY! Our operators are standing by to take your call!
 Let “Konstant Konscience” give you all the gain
and none of the pain!

* waxing extra
** may involve excruciating pain
*** not actual surgeons but may use surgical instruments
**** Konstant Konscience contains no actual conscience
***** actual recovery times may be up to 2 years and may involve extensive physical rehabilitation
****** calls will be charged at the rate of $9.95/minute

submitted for d'Verse Poets Pub, Just Say What You Don't Mean, Irony 
and napowrimo, Day Four, in which we're prompted to write a poem using a spaceship name from the books of Scottish science fiction writer Iain M. Banks


Kerry O'Connor said...

This is brilliant, LM. I snorted, choked and shook my head in wonder. My, oh my, but I love a bit of satire with my biting sarcasm.

Claudia said...

haha...i'm glad you shared the smallprint with us as well...so good...laughed out loud a few times...loved it

Kathy Reed said...

Very clever write on the irony of cosmetic surgery..

Anonymous said...

Lola, this is priceless. I love the humor, the voice you used of an infomerical, just perfect. By the way, do you need my mailing address?

Brian Miller said...

ahahahaha flotation devices...ah you made me laugh out loud...i can hear this on late night tv surely...ugh...

Anonymous said...

Are you sure this is a spoof? I've seen adverts just like this.

Brilliant satire, had me laughing from start to small print :-)

Kay L. Davies said...

Too funny, Ms Mouse! I love it. Especially
"You can now have the appearance of a fully developed conscience without the constant badgering and morality!"

Anonymous said...

Funny and reminded me of the comics with ads for x-ray specs.

Anonymous said...

satiric verses (as opposed to satanic verses) get it?? :)

First Rose

Anonymous said...

This is absolutely hilarious and more than a little scary at the same time!

Margaret said...

without the nagging burden of contrition
that has always held you back

and I LOVE the asterisks ... Awesome witty poem!

Marcoantonio Arellano (Nene) said...

$9.97 a minute, hmmm? That's not too bad. I'm already imaginning myself in control of my consciousness.