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Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Unopened


She felt more lonely with him
Than she felt being alone
Love given but not returned
A gift unopened

*This poetic form is called a Dodoitsu. It is a fixed folk song form of Japanese origin, often about love. There are 26 syllables in 4 unrhymed, non-metrical lines containing 7, 7, 7, and 5 syllables each.

submitted for Thursday Think Tank, 57,Loneliness, at Poets United
and In-Form Poet: Dodoitsu at Poetic Bloomings

8 comments:

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh I so know that feeling! so well done!

MISH said...

My first time encountering this poetic form - it's very interesting since the poet has to practise economy with words and capture the topic in 4 lines and 26 syllables .

darev2005 said...

Wow. And i thought Haiku was difficult. Bravo!

henry clemmons said...

Very, very, very, very good!

Susannah said...

I like this very much, short sweet but stingingly accurate for anyone who has ever experienced that feeling! Nice writing and great use of the prompt. :-)

Linda H. said...

Nice work. I like it.

Ella said...

Powerful a gift unopened...love that line!

Judy Roney said...

The worst of loneliness; when you are with someone. Well done!