She felt more lonely with him
Than she felt being alone
Love given but not returned
A gift unopened
*This poetic form is called a Dodoitsu. It is a fixed folk song form of Japanese origin, often about love. There are 26 syllables in 4 unrhymed, non-metrical lines containing 7, 7, 7, and 5 syllables each.
submitted for Thursday Think Tank, 57,Loneliness, at Poets United
and In-Form Poet: Dodoitsu at Poetic Bloomings
8 comments:
Oh I so know that feeling! so well done!
My first time encountering this poetic form - it's very interesting since the poet has to practise economy with words and capture the topic in 4 lines and 26 syllables .
Wow. And i thought Haiku was difficult. Bravo!
Very, very, very, very good!
I like this very much, short sweet but stingingly accurate for anyone who has ever experienced that feeling! Nice writing and great use of the prompt. :-)
Nice work. I like it.
Powerful a gift unopened...love that line!
The worst of loneliness; when you are with someone. Well done!
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