The Farm

source

source

After a few tense moments, Molly and Jack learn what the American phrase "bought the farm" means.

submitted for Poetry Jam, Laugh in the Face of Everything

Wedding Day Headaches

Twas the day of my wedding

I awoke with a pain

"Oh no!" I thought groaning

Another migraine

I tried drinking coffee

I tried potions and pills

But nothing would help me

Get rid of my ills

Though I still felt

Nauseated and pale

I went to the hotel

With dress and my veil

I began to get ready

To marry my groom

When my mother and grandma

Burst into the room

"Why haven't you showered?

You're going to be late?!!

We'd have gotten here sooner,

But she made me wait!"

"Don't listen to Mother.

That's not the truth, dear.

I've waited for this day,

I ran to be here!"

She took my hands and said

"When I was a girl..."

She proceeded in Yiddish

I tried not to hurl

My mom interrupted

They started to bicker

My headache got worse

I felt sicker and sicker

"That's it, you two!

I can't take any more!

Get out of my room-

There is the door!"

My mom said "But dear,

Your hair's still a mess!

We're here to help.

We can button your dress."

"Thanks but my hair's done.

You just make me nervous.

Leave me alone.

I'll see you at the service."

In the hall, they still argued

But I smiled with glee

For when they left the room

My headache left me!

submitted for Smiley Sociology Study #6 Weddings at Rhyme Me A Smile

Advice

Take my advice

I'm never wrong

You won't regret it

It's yours for a song

Take my advice

I know about stuff

The counsel I give you

Is not off the cuff

Take my advice

I've been there, I know

Follow my guidance

I'll save you some woe

Take my advice

There's no better, you see

Because I like you, kid

I'll give it for free!

Take my advice

Go on and flaunt it

I know you can use it

'Cause I sure don't want it!

submitted for May Poetry Challenge at Verse in a Nutshell,  May 2, Advice

Me and the Beasts

Each night I sleep with three furry beasts

They snuffle, they tussle, they snore

They covet the covers, they purloin the pillows

I often get pushed to the floor!

Each night I sleep with three furry beasts

It's so cozy and warm when they're near

But sometimes things get a little too close

Which one is that licking my ear?!!

Each night I sleep with three furry beasts

One's big, and two are quite small

But with three men and me in one little bed

It's a wonder that I sleep at all!

submitted for Thursday Poets Rally 42

To fulfill my obligation for the Perfect Poet Award, I nominate M.A.S. at http://scribbledit.blogspot.com/   Check out his blog for some very interesting and cool poetry.

Thank you to Thursday Poets Rally!!!

Does This Cape Make My Butt Look Fat?

You've heard of the Hulk and the Fantastic Four
The Norse God of Thunder with hammer is Thor 
Superman's strong, and he flies - what a bore!
We hormonally challenged women need more!

We need a hero to fight for our needs
One who is tough and who never concedes
Ladies, my efforts may just be last ditch
But I bring you our new hero now:  SUPERBITCH!!!

I am no Batman, I don't wear a cape
In sweatpants and robe I will make my escape
There had best be a phone booth to which I can dash
To rip it all off when I get a hot flash!

Iron Man's hands can shoot rays through bad guys
When I'm angry, I shoot rays right out of my eyes!
My glare is more scary than you've ever felt
And I have a scowl to make Iron Man melt!

Spiderman may climb the walls to attack
But SUPERBITCH will climb all over your back
Aquaman swims and can hold his own breath
But I will hormonally rant you to death!

So bad guys, villains, jackwagons, take heed!
Before you engage in that next irksome deed
There's a new superhero, I'll say it again
Her name's SUPERBITCH, and she needs estrogen!

submitted for Poetry Potluck, Week 24

DaDaDaDa DaDaDaDa BATMAN!!!

image from Google Images

You have to hand it to ol' Adam West
Always arriving at the Commissioner's behest
Never engaging in actions untoward
And always accompanied by his partner Burt Ward!

This Clerihew was written by my husband, David

Just a Pinch

image from Magpie Tales 53

There's table salt (NaCl) to season your foods
And lithium (Li2CO3) to balance your moods
Use calcium chloride (CaCl2) to keep things dry
And rubidium (RbNO3) for purple on the 4th of July.
Use epsom salts (MgSO47H20) to soak your feet
And if you're sore, bath salts (MgSO4) are sweet!
Rock salt (NaCl) helps with driveways and ice creams
Sodium nitrate (NaNO3) grows roses like dreams.
Saltpeter (KNO3) is needed to keep guns equipped
Preserving salamis and keeping pants zipped!
So whatever the problem, whatever the fault
It's easy to fix it--add a big dash of salt!

Off Balance

There's a goal I can't achieve

It's become a true pet peeve

I find I don't have the talents

For asanas that take balance.

My Tree pose starts out standing tall

Then I start to sway and fall

My Tree must be in a storm

Oh what bad, sad yoga form!

When my Eagle tries to soar

I only end up on the floor

I really do give it my best

This Eagle should stay in the nest!

I know Dancer should be graceful

But I wind up with a face full

Of my dirty yoga mat

When my Dancer's pose goes splat!

Some day this goal I hope to meet

Get through a practice on my feet

Complete a balancing asana
Would be true yogic nirvana!
 
submitted for Poetry Potluck, Week 21

Sunday's Sonnet

Oh woe! Poor brain, you won't produce a thought

And Monday's Potluck deadline time is nigh

My efforts thus have sadly come to naught

I stare at the computer screen and sigh.

This Monday's theme of rules and regs and laws

It leaves me uninspired, lacking muse

And tho' I always rally to the cause

I fear this time I may have to refuse!

Oh me! Where hast thou gone poetic pride?

Oh fie! My hand will not produce one line!

My heart such sadness it cannot abide

I feel I must console my soul with wine.

The mind it must be free for Art to reign

And rules and regs and laws serve to constrain!

submitted for Poetry Potluck Week 19

Something Light For a Change!

Three daring and headstrong young lasses

Failed to heed the advice of the masses

Who warned, "The ice is too thin!"

And so they fell in

Getting soaked from their hats to their asses!

submitted for Mag 49

 

Thanks to Jingle for the awards!