(Image Via Photobucket: vivianandrea22)
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Your heart is starved
I can see the hunger in your eyes
I can feel it even when they are closed
Desperate for connection,
you wander the world
like an exhausted passenger
seeking a seat on a full train
You search for the scent of kindness
underneath shuffling newspapers and coffee cups
and wonder why
everything you plant
dies
You thought you were surrounded
by fertile ground,
but when you dig,
layer by layer you find clay and sand,
while the verdancy taunts you
from just over the fence
or around the next turn
Sometimes
you want to yield to the emptiness,
surrender to the isolation
and let your appetites
dissipate
like a drop of ink
in the ocean.
Ponytail by Last Exit |
submitted for Imaginary Garden With Real Toads, Hungry Eyes, Haunted Hearts
20 comments:
you wander the world
like an exhausted passenger
seeking a seat on a full train...nice lines that...they make this really tangible...and accessible...the why everything you plant dies is an honest feeling as well...
This is true loneliness ... leading up to the last stanza dissipating like ink in water... heartfelt
Such a powerful picture of loneliness...the endig is chilling
"ending" I can spell that...lol
So true, and so frightening--I also thought the train line was a well-put, well-realized image. The closing image is dramatic, and just right.
This definitely creates a mood that reflects the pilgrim nature of our life here. Nicely depicted, lola.
Ah, so sad . Nicely done.
This feeling of lone-ness and unsuccessful-ness midst so many who're seemingly experiencing the opposite...achingly rendered. I enjoy your closing idea and thinking on the ink... how even the smallest drop permeates.
Well done, Lola, thank you for writing!
Life and love can be that tedious! It's how we make it through with our own brand of excitements that matter!
Nicely Lola!
Hank
So tense, really and then... wishing to be a drop of ink in the ocean... it all just gently loosens up. Hopefully not completely washed up, though. Nice tie in with the Magpie prompt.
..hi lolamouse.. i like your name... i like to say it again and again... just too cute to ears... hehe... smiles... your poem's quite sad & rings truth... i can relate in so many accounts in life you've stated here... brilliantly conceived! smiles...
That last stanza...oh, Ms Mouse...so much loneliness on this full train.
K
you wander the world
like an exhausted passenger
seeking a seat on a full train..
This is the way to work a simile.
I love your interpretation of this tunnel through the trees.
I hold a ticket to that train, mi amiga.
I hearken the short moments where I recall the waft of the taunt from verdant fields
Gracias for sharing, mi amiga
.. 'like a drop of ink in the ocean'~ I love that line. You managed to incorporate very different challenges into one awesome poem.
A poignant description. I love especially "you wander the world like an exhausted passenger seeking a seat on a full train". I feel just like that!!!! I feel for the person described!
The sense of mounting futility is palpable, the closing lines perfect in their surrender.
And so Goddess invented chocolate...
...where do they all belong?
Sad, lonely and full of feeling.
Very nice...
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