Change
or Die
Hanging
On the door frame
Opaque chrysalis clings
Butterfly inside its tight skin
Black, dead
 |
| source |
In
the Bush
Robins
Eating berries
Holly bushes rustle
Squawks and feathers fill the chill air
Dog barks
submitted for Imaginary Garden With Real Toads, Weekend Mini Challenge, Cinquain
20 comments:
You made it into true nature lines with sounds and sights. Loved the squawks and feathers.
The first one is deadly tight and the second one is filled with nature's charm ~
I really enjoyed both of these! That first one is so tight and perfect. The second captures a moment in nature in a way that takes me right there. Love what you did with the form.
yes, wow! great snapshots, both. the first is so unexpected. at first i giggled because THAT'S a strong title :) but wow, your observation is keen and dark, too. not what you want to find in your doorway. and i love the unexpected last line in the second. great!
Very nice indeed, Ms. Mouse. :-)
You nicely caught the end twist. Neat!
ha. really like your first one...its tight...the second, easy to see...and i am hoping the bird made it away...
These do leave me hanging a bit. Is the butterfly really dead? Did the dog eat the bird? Well done.
I really enjoyed how vibrant and so vivid, yours are! Amazing...I could see them both~ I love the photos, too...
Yeah, you did add the twist! ;D
Cinquains for the outdoor enthusiast! Very nice.
vivid images here;)
Beautiful and great use of the form. I don't think the butterfly is dead - merely waiting, as we are, for warmth.
There is something almost Oriental in your presentation of the natural images within these poems.
feel like I'm right there in each experience with you.
Great job with the title especially on the first one, LM. Both are structurally intense and pack a punch, but of course, I like the darker one. ;_)
Change or Die...I love that title. Both cinquain are gorgeous.
Ack! for the butterfly.......I love the noisy birds in the second one though! Such good writing, one sees it clearly. I can even feel the cobwebs!!!!
the first one really ends in a surprise! both have such excellent imagery! you definitely know your cinquains, Ms Mouse!
♥
Saturday we could hear the tree frogs for the first time this year....I think it's too soon, but what a lovely sound just like your words spoken out loud.
These are wonderful, Lola. They are easily seen.
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