Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Friday, November 25, 2011

Once Upon a Time

Lost Paradise by Judith
Evie was a lackluster student at Magnolia High
worked part time at the Garden of Eden Flower Shop
then babysat her little brother
while her mother worked the night shift
at the Fairhaven Peach canning factory
She was an average but bored girl
a dangerous combination

Evie found him a bit beastly
but thought his snakeskin boots were really cool
and wanted to feel the leather seats
in his red Dodge Viper
so she asked him for a ride
home from school
Of course, he smiled
and answered "Yesss"

Her mother became fretful
and somewhat envious
Evie sported that look that girls get
when they're in love
supreme happiness mixed with supreme stupidity
Mama knew her baby was headed for a fall
but she couldn't stop it
any more than she could stop
her starry eyed fool of a husband
from buying roses for Valentine's Day
when carnations were cheaper
and lasted twice as long

And so the night came
when he whispered "Let's go
your Mama's at work-she'll never know."
She had never broken her mother's rules before
but he was so tempting
and his lips tasted so good
so she went with him
and spent the night in the Paradise Motel
which it was not

He dropped her off at school next morning
she never saw him again
but did notice
birds stopped coming to her yard
and a black snake appeared in her apple tree
and would not leave.

submitted for Poetry Jam, Paradise Lost


Mary said...

Oh, what a story! With a bite! The ending is truly chilling.

Brian Miller said...

oh wow...love it...the hiss in his voice as well...and nice ref to the tree at the end as well...nice bit of storytelling...

JustRex said...

Ewww! That kind of slaps you right between the eyes!

Helen said...

.. a whole lot more than paradise lost! Great poem.

Anonymous said...

LOVE this, Miss Mouse! ♥ and i agree, a very chilling ending! {especially for those with daughters}

thank you so much for joining in at the Jam!
♥ dani

BB said...

So awesome. Great ending.

Fireblossom said...

I adore that ending.

kaykuala said...

Would Evie have done that without his insistence. It's a betrayal. Sad ending! Great story with a twist!


Christine said...

wow, gripping right from the beginning

Bekkie Sanchez said...

Very nice, an update on the Adam and Eve story and what a story it is! Hope all is good in your Wonderland these days my friend! Big hug and have a great weekend! ♥

Titus said...

Wonderfully done, Lolamouse. The detailing is very fine, and I loved "which it was not". Tone change in the last three lines expands things beautifully too.

Titus said...

Really good! All my previous comments have disappeared. Just seeing if this one stays.

Titus said...

Ah. Think I understand now.

Cassiopeia Rises said...

Truly a paradise lost. Great write.