*

*
Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Bon Voyage

Damn these stupid magnetic wrist bands! I should've known better than to trust my equilibrium to some product advertised on late night TV.  I should have just gone to the doctor and asked for the freakin' sea sickness pills before we left on this God forsaken cruise, but, no, I had to be all natural! No chemicals packed in my luggage! I was going to rid myself of toxins, eat healthy, exercise, meditate. The other passengers would whisper, "Who is that stunning woman? She seems to glow with positive energy!" as I walked the decks of the ship in my 100 percent cotton clothing.

Now, however, I'm glowing with the day old pea soupy green color from 3 days of sea sickness. I've rid my body not only of toxins but of every bite of food that I've managed to gag down, as it's all come retching right back up. I have had plenty of time to meditate as I lean my throbbing head over the ship's rail for my post-prandial hork. I've meditated on how much I despise the other passengers on this cruise who are happily throwing back fruity, overpriced umbrella drinks and taking photos of each other with their arms around the overworked crew. I've meditated on what method I will use to murder my ex-friend who recommended these less than useless wrist magnets.

I've also meditated on the distinct possibility that when we reach our first port, I will abscond rather than reboard. I will become an ex-pat, an islander. I will stand on the shore and watch the ships arrive and depart but never go with them. Right now, it sounds a lot better than another day of barfing!

submitted for Thursday Short Story Slam, Week 9, at Bluebell Books

14 comments:

charleslmashburn said...

What a hilarious take on the prompt! I love it. Very unique and funny! Terrific writing!

My entry: http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/dearest-john-2/

Brian Miller said...

haha. i would probably escape to the island just for the fun of it, sickness or not...maybe just to see if they could ever find me again...fun tale...

Bryan M. White said...

Did this really happen? Is this really real? Am I really here? Am I really me?

You have opened a chasm in my existence.

(I assume it's a story though ;) )

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Wrist magnets? I appreciate the nod to being natural, but still, there are times when good ol' pharmaceuticals cooked up in a lab are the only answer.

May you stop puking and start living! Have something dee-lish for me, as I slave away in my office, nauseous for entirely different reasons.

best,
mosk

Fireblossom said...

Hurl a lot upon the sea!

Oh wait...

That's "cast your lot upon the sea." Never mind.

Morning said...

regrets and sadness, the beauty of creative mindset, they are all over your page.

brilliant story.

Christine said...

too funny, those gimmicks and how they suck people in...

Mynx said...

Oh memories of horrible seasickness. It is a truly hideous condition.
Great story

nene said...

Hey, Lolamouse, thanks for going on this cruise in my place. I've never been on a cruise but I have no desire to put the over worked crew in such precarious position so as to appease my 'snarkyness' resulting from being confined in a floating piece of drift wood with so many other feigning celebrants.
I did experience a bit of 'Island fever' when I gingerly splayed my naked toes on the soft sand of Hawaii (Oahu) for a few weeks. I wanted to experience the 'Hemingway thingy'. It was fun but the writing became aligned with it's evil twin 'pretention' and truly became 'Paradise Lost'.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed some moments.
PS: Can I borrow that magnate bracelet? I have to visit my inlaws.

darev2005 said...

Oh dear. Yuck. The ships doctor or store should have some dramamine or lodine or something available. I get that too, so I can sympathize. No fun at all.

Serena Shay said...

LOL! Great post, Lolamouse! What better a reason to become an Islander...I'd not get back on either. :)

Lolamouse said...

Thanks for all the comments! In case anyone was wondering, the post was entirely fictional. I've never been on a cruise. And I would NEVER trust wrist magnets to prevent sea sickness, especially given my history of motion sickness!

nene:I wish I had a cure for the sickness of visiting in-laws! I'd use it on myself!

Promising Poets Parking Lot said...

amazing story.

e.a.s. demers said...

LOL... oh my! quite an interesting take on the prompt :-)