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going on 3 years
She was a beautiful girl
skin dark,
eyes like blue ice,
hair shiny
and inky black as a well-oiled glock
Raven didn't love her job;
she didn't hate it either
It beat bagging groceries or
hostessing at the I-Hop
Raven was working the late shift
The moon was round and full,
a fat man's stomach after an all-you-can-eat buffet
It was closing time
Last dance
before the patrons wandered off,
lost to the night
Raven took the stage,
swayed to the techno music
and began to doubt
the trajectory her life was taking
She had stripped down
to stilettos, pasties, g-string,
and a black, feather boa
The dollars were accumulating by her feet,
wet with sweat
from desperate men's hands
From somewhere in the crowd, Raven heard,
"Take it off, baby! Take it all off!"
Raven was an accommodating and literal minded girl
so off came the pasties, and g-string,
then the shoes and the boa
The men shouted louder
Raven looked at the crowd
Sparks shot from her obsidian eyes
She grinned
Then she began to peel off her skin
Slowly
First, one arm
then the other
Gently yanking the skin from her fingers
as if it were a cashmere glove
Then her torso, her legs,
and lastly, her face
The men were stunned silent
No one moved
Next, Raven took off muscle,
tossing the scarlet chunks of flesh into the crowd
like they were signed T-shirts and she a rock star
She stuck out her tongue
at the guy who had grabbed her boob earlier that evening
She plucked out her eyes
and dropped them like ice cubes
into the drink of the guy who had called her a slut
She was bone beautiful
No one asked for a lap dance
Raven was relieved,
as it was near impossible to twerk
having no ass
The music ended and Raven
picked up the dollars,
stashed them in her eye holes,
and sashayed away
No one would ever forget
that night at the Pussycat Palace
and no one would ever speak of it.
submitted for Imaginary Garden With Real Toads, Fireblossom Friday, Build a Title
and The Sunday Whirl, Wordle 124
18 comments:
Wow! this is fantastic, LM. and you have the perfect line to create a resounding impact after the flesh has all been stripped away:
She was bone beautiful...
Brilliant!
How cool is this? I am in awe.
Ok, lolamouse, I never try to use profanity, but ... this was a fuckin' home run!
Absolutely perfect! Demand that your significant other make love to you right now!
Speechless good!- Loved it, Mosk
Stunning. This reminds me of the stories in the Love in Vein anthologies. Just tremendous...
I think "bone beautiful" will stay with me for a very long time.
*sigh*
Yeah, gives a whole new meaning to 'This place is just a meat market.' I was following quietly along going--man, strippers are certainly more glamorous than I thought, and then suddenly I was feeling a bit queasy, then laughing, then just appreciating the masterly lines--the dollar bills in the eye holes really got me--nice mix, LM--the perfect nightmare at the Pussycat Palace, and I hope the asshat enjoyed his eyeball martini.
I'm with Buddah on this: Fucking A! Brilliant!
Ohmuhgaw. Talk about stripped down! I loved the hair shiny and inky black as a Glock.
Bone beautiful lingers-I won't forget this either!
Awesome~
damn. geez...a bit of stephen king nightmare at the strip club...its been said, but this is damn good.
OMG! What a performance - from you, never mind the stripper. LOL
Awesome horrific twist in this LolaMouse!! I love the progression...easing us in to this gruesome and meaningful stripping down...I too, love the line that Kerry mentions for the same reason! Well done!
Wasn't expecting that- brilliant!
What an incredible trip! Re-publish this on Halloween ... Bang!!
What a fabulous write!!!!! Love the story......and especially love the image of the moon as full like a fat man's stomach after an all you can eat buffet! Wowzers, kiddo, you have outdone yourself with this one.
What starts out as a perfunctory work routine soon takes a macabre twist.
What a graphic depiction of the caustic toll of objectification you paint!
Brilliant, mesmerizing, ghastly.
Ouch, I wasn't expecting that. Like the others, I think "bone beautiful" is wonderful.
Well done, Ms Mouse, and as soon as I'm done commenting, I'll tackle today's prompt.
K
"it was near impossible to twerk having no ass" My gosh I love that!! This was ghoulishly delightful!!
Holy $@&? That was awesome. That should be made into an HBO short film using claymation!!!! How good would that be! Super creative take on the prompt Ms. Mouse.
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