|cartoon from savagechickens.com|
I had a dream last night
I was a pigeon
stuck in a henhouse.
I looked at all the chickens around me
and thought "What the cluck am I doing here?"
Then some fat hen
waddled up to me
and smug as you can be
said, "I just love your colorful feathers."
"Thanks," I answered,
but thought to myself
"You're one to talk.
Your breasts are probably shot up full of artificial hormones
to make them plump,
you stupid bird."
I asked a hen in the last coop on the left
what they did for fun around this house.
She just clucked at me disapprovingly and said,
"Why we lay eggs, of course."
I asked if she wanted to go hang around at a park or
visit a statue or
just stretch her wings a bit.
I must have ruffled her feathers because she waddled off
clucking even louder.
I could hear her telling the others about me.
What a foul fowl she was!
Suddenly I had a craving for street food
french fries, bread crumbs, anything really
but all I could see was chicken feed
and the hens happily pecking away.
"It makes us feel secure to know
that the food will always taste the same," they said.
Bird brains! No imagination.
Then there was a commotion in the henhouse.
Squawking, feathers flying, running about, chaos.
"He's here, he's here!" the insipid chickens cried with glee.
"Who's here?" I asked.
They stared at me as if I had arms instead of wings.
"The rooster, natch.
Though you needn't worry.
I don't think he fancies foreign girls."
Next thing I knew, some cocky old rooster was staring me up and down.
"You're not from around here, are you, my little chick-a-dee?"
Before I could cold cock the guy, I woke up.
I was breathing heavily but
all else seemed normal.
Except for the feather on my pillow.