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Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

White Roses (Redux)

Mama Zen asked us to write a short poem using a "power image." I chose the white rose, often associated with death and mourning. I forgot that I was supposed to limit myself to 25 words, so my first attempt is somewhere longer, followed by a shortened version.

White Rose with yellow Shade 
Ivory roses matched her wedding gown
Juxtaposed against her tresses of brown
A single white bloom she now holds in her hand
on a chain round her neck, she wears his wedding band
Solemnity shadows the end of each year
as the names of the dead are read, she strains to hear
His name makes her clench up her fist on a thorn
With a blood stained white rose, she goes home now to mourn.

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She carried ivory roses on her wedding day
Now she holds a single white bloom
wears his wedding band
on a chain around her neck
her face, paler than the petals.

16 comments:

Brian Miller said...

wow, emotive....made me think of a soldier's wife, a hard loss...felt the thorn in my palm....tight write...

Sherry Blue Sky said...

This is beautifully poignant........I assume you are writing about someone else, as I recall you being happily married? Lovely images, and you wrote it so well.

Helen said...

I enjoyed both versions of your poem ... amazed that you could pare down to just 25 words and not lose the impact.

Hannah said...

Ha ha...the same thing happened to me...I have two versions also!

I love how both state the same...wow, well done!

Hannah said...

Ha ha...the same thing happened to me...I have two versions also!

I love how both state the same...wow, well done!

Mary said...

I truly like both versions of this poem. "Paler than the petals" really speaks LOUDLY to me!

darev2005 said...

Wow. The first one was good. But that second just zaps you in the heart with the imagery. Awesome.

Kerry O'Connor said...

The sorrow of love come to an end through death is poignantly felt in your 25-word piece. It is a heart-breaking picture.

Ella said...

This is hauntingly beautiful~
The ending is stunning and sad~
Beautifully written

PattiKen said...

I enjoyed both versions, but the longer version carried more sorrow for me. It made me think of all the wives who laid their beloveds of decades to rest, and how hard that must be. Very sad.

Mama Zen said...

Both of these are heartbreaking and gorgeous.

sreeja harikrishnan said...

Both together says much...they are beautiful and complete as two pieces.......sad and haunting image...

Susan said...

I like the lusciousness of the first one best for the power of Romance and unrequited love. The second leaves the whiteness open to mystery--does he beat her? I enjoy your power play with paleness. Sometimes it reminds me of a very oldie "A lighter shade of Pale" by Procol Harum. Do you know it?

daydreamerdreams said...

Very powerful and heart wrenching!

Margaret said...

I missed a few of the images from the first... but the second carries a nice punch!

Tania A said...

Both versions are lovely, but I find I like the second, shorter version better. It's cleaner I think, and the images stand out more because of it.