Lost Paradise by Judith |
Evie was a lackluster student at Magnolia High
worked part time at the Garden of Eden Flower Shop
then babysat her little brother
while her mother worked the night shift
at the Fairhaven Peach canning factory
She was an average but bored girl
a dangerous combination
Evie found him a bit beastly
but thought his snakeskin boots were really cool
and wanted to feel the leather seats
in his red Dodge Viper
so she asked him for a ride
home from school
Of course, he smiled
and answered "Yesss"
Her mother became fretful
and somewhat envious
Evie sported that look that girls get
when they're in love
supreme happiness mixed with supreme stupidity
Mama knew her baby was headed for a fall
but she couldn't stop it
any more than she could stop
her starry eyed fool of a husband
from buying roses for Valentine's Day
when carnations were cheaper
and lasted twice as long
And so the night came
when he whispered "Let's go
your Mama's at work-she'll never know."
She had never broken her mother's rules before
but he was so tempting
and his lips tasted so good
so she went with him
and spent the night in the Paradise Motel
which it was not
He dropped her off at school next morning
she never saw him again
but did notice
birds stopped coming to her yard
and a black snake appeared in her apple tree
and would not leave.
submitted for Poetry Jam, Paradise Lost
14 comments:
Oh, what a story! With a bite! The ending is truly chilling.
oh wow...love it...the hiss in his voice as well...and nice ref to the tree at the end as well...nice bit of storytelling...
Ewww! That kind of slaps you right between the eyes!
.. a whole lot more than paradise lost! Great poem.
LOVE this, Miss Mouse! ♥ and i agree, a very chilling ending! {especially for those with daughters}
thank you so much for joining in at the Jam!
♥ dani
So awesome. Great ending.
I adore that ending.
Would Evie have done that without his insistence. It's a betrayal. Sad ending! Great story with a twist!
Hank
wow, gripping right from the beginning
Very nice, an update on the Adam and Eve story and what a story it is! Hope all is good in your Wonderland these days my friend! Big hug and have a great weekend! ♥
Wonderfully done, Lolamouse. The detailing is very fine, and I loved "which it was not". Tone change in the last three lines expands things beautifully too.
Really good! All my previous comments have disappeared. Just seeing if this one stays.
Ah. Think I understand now.
Truly a paradise lost. Great write.
Melanie
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