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Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Migraine 2

image source
Little girl holds her head and cries but the crying makes the hurt worse and she can't stop and she cries and she cries and she cries and she vomits and she sleeps
     Repeat
          Repeat
               Ad nauseum
And she knows now to keep an old pot by her bed just in case she can't make it to the toilet and her mother laughs and calls it the puke pot which only makes her feel worse because how many kids have one of these?

And then there are the doctors who say it's just nerves it's just all in her head because she's too high strung for a kid and here's some pills to calm her down but they don't help and she flushes them
     Down
          Down
               The toilet

She learns to live with pain like it's the weather and sometimes it's just there in the background and sometimes it's not noticeable at all and sometimes it's all she can think about like a hurricane in her brain wiping out everything in its path
     Drowning
          Drowning
               Coming up for air

Then there are the meds and their promises of redemption if only she'd add one more pill, one more vitamin, up the dosage, go off-label, stick with the brand name, stick it up your ass

And no major side effects to speak of so we won't speak of them

dizziness fainting abnormal body temperature glaucoma weight gain anxiety tingling odd taste weight loss poor concentration cognitive impairment numbness decreased libido depression poor concentration  poor concentration poor concentration

Grown woman holds her head and cries and her daughter has the same damn disease and that makes her cry more and yes it is all in her head and she just wants it to
     STOP

submitted for The Poetry Bus hosted by NanU at Have genes will travel
also submitted for One Shot Wednesday, Week 42 at One Stop Poetry 
and Poetry Month Clambake, Week Three
Thanks Luna!

18 comments:

Brian Miller said...

dang..fierce, sad write...not sure in the end if she really has it or if its all in her head but...dang

signed...bkm said...

Painful even to read..the thought of a headache that severe...I would wish that on no one...I would try anything to stop it also....bkm

M. A. S. said...

Sonuvabitch! I'm about to #$%&@ cry. I have a student that misses days of school at a time (a week once) because of headaches. My wife used to get migraines. I have had maybe 3 bad headaches in my life-by my standards. And my standards are low. I don't get headaches, so any headache is a bad one to me. Well, that time I knocked myself unconscious in the landing gear is a different story. But... that's so personal and horrible and personal. The writing tells me it has to be from your soul. How old is your daughter?
Damn,this is a long comment.

Lolamouse said...

M.A.S. Thanks for the comment. This one is written from personal experience unfortunately. Been struggling with migraines since age 7. My daughter is 15. Hers aren't as bad as mine were as of yet, but I still feel horribly guilty that I've passed this on to her. At least there are meds today that will usually stop the pain, at least most of the time. That didn't exist when I was a kid.

Jannie Funster said...

Oh, that is so so so sad. You told of the pain almost TOO well with your words.

I had not idea that children get migraines too and that they can be passed on in the genes.

I get one about once a month, and I know this agony.

Paul Andrew Russell said...

Oh I can identify with this only too well, Lolamouse.

http://www.paulandrewrussell.com/2010/09/16/thorn-in-the-flesh/

I inherited them from my mother too. It appears to be the same family thing. I don't suffer from them half as much as my mother who is completely debilitated by them. So maybe the pain gets diluted by generation; although it doesn't feel like it when I've got one. lol

I've tried so many remedies and the one that works for me, at least so I can function normally, is acetaminophen and ibuprofen taken at the same time; some welcome relief from the pain I used to suffer.

Lovely piece of writing.

Feel free to edit this comment if it's rambling. lol

Mary said...

Wow, you have really made migraines clear to me. You have made the reader really FEEL the pain. I have seldom had headaches, never migraines. I'm sorry you and your daughter both struggle with them.

Lucy Westenra said...

I'm so sorry that you and your daughter suffer migraines. I have two colleagues who are totally prostrated by the condition, which seems so poorly understood.
You have expressed your own and your daughter's suffering very eloquently, making a poignant and touching read. Thank you.

Vinay said...

I can relate from a personal experience too, but the struggle has reduced now, and only under deep emotional stress does mine crop up! It is very painful when it happens! Hope your struggle lessens soon too, Lola!

My Post Is Here

trisha said...

very touching and beautiful. i sometimes wonder how many diseases become a lifelong nightmare courtsey indifferent parents and doctors

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yes it really is all in the head, how can your head deal with pain when it is the epicentre? Not looking down at a gashed limb it can make sense of? Been there, seen the film, got the Tee shirt. GREAT poem!

Titus said...

Fierceness and despair are two very disparate things to tie together in a poem, but you absolutely did it. Stunning read. And has total lived-truth without sentimentality.

Helen said...

I know full well what you write of ... my middle son does too. He was diagnosed with classic migraines at the age of five!

Your poem is classic.

izzy said...

Whew- does not make for any kind of envy. I have several friends who get different sorts of migraines- one anyway has been in the hospital
from it....

Enchanted Oak said...

What Titus said. Your words obliterated me. To do this without sentimentality is huge. The poor concentration poor concentration poor concentration
was a brilliant touch.

Doctor FTSE said...

Very impressive writing about your own and your daughter's afflictions. Like Titus (above) I am impressed that you show no sentimentality or self-pity in this sad poem.

Peter Goulding said...

Painful reading but the pain is relayed in a well-structured way. I like this one.

Karen said...

I agree wholeheartedly with Titus. This puts us right there. Awful to have to live with this.