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Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Crooked Line

Our challenge this week on the Poetry Bus was to write a poem beginning with the line "I am a crooked line." Our challenge for the Saturday Celebration on One Stop Poetry was to write a poem outside of our comfort zone, perhaps of a form we had not written before. Thus, my attempt at a ballad.


I am a crooked line, I am
I follow rivers' flow
I hug the rugged mountains' base
My path carved long ago.

But men they want to alter me
To suit their selfish needs
They fight and kill, the blood they spill
Until the landscape bleeds.

It's neighbor against neighbor
And father against son
And after all the blood has dried
Has anybody won?

I am a crooked line, you see
I am a border line
It's mankind's folly to dispute
What's Nature's own design.

Thank you Lunawitch15!!!
I nominate Rachel at Rhyme Me A Smile for this award!




submitted for Saturday Celebration at One Stop Poetry
and the Poetry Bus, April 7 2011
and lunawitch15's Poetry Clambake
Thanks Luna!
                                                                          
and Smiley Sociology Study #5  

31 comments:

The Bug said...

I think this was a great attempt! And describes the craziness of war quite well.

Christine said...

This has been the best poem I've read this week. I love the way it flows, and it made me feel sad and sick inside, and even a little guilty. You have given that line a voice, as though it was alive with feelings.

V. Furnas said...

Beautiful poem.

Brian Miller said...

nice...was just having a convo with a guy today on this...the earth is kicking back on all the junk we have given her...

Krislin Neo, Ting (Syracuse Pike) said...

Wow, an unimaginable combination for me... love your 3rd stanza, it kept me nodding..

Beachanny said...

Well done..a painful song and true, it's the nature of the earth to want more and kill for it, but your music is absolute even if the key is minor. Excellent ballad.

Rachel Hoyt said...

What a wonderful first Ballad! Thanks for linking it in the Smiley Sociology Study. :)

Elaine said...

That wasn't an attempt at a ballad. That WAS a ballad, and a very good one. Bravo!

Hairy Princess said...

Such a thought-provoking poem!

Fireblossom said...

Mankind is never short on folly.

Pete Marshall said...

i picked up on something else here that i liked and maybe it wasnt your intention but to me it meant a heck of a lot...in your last stanza
"I am a border line
It's mankind's folly to dispute"
i am so anti borders...borders create and dictate..cause nationalism and war..liked this thanks for sharing..pete

M. A. S. said...

I was going to comment on which stanza I particularly liked, but I like them all.

Jingle said...

neat.

you are so thoughtful.

Lolamouse said...

Pete: thanks so much! glad you liked it and yes, it was intentional.

bendedspoon said...

Perfect crooked line! Love it :)

Matty said...

Not only do I like your rhyming, but the subject matter on which you did it. Superb!

Jinksy said...

Both prompts worked so well together - clever you!

izzy said...

Good one! really enjoyed it thanks!

Rachel Hoyt said...

I just noticed you left this link both for the study and for claiming my award... but I don't see the award? Happy Monday to you. :) I'm still loving this ballad. Very well written. :)

120 Socks said...

I thought that was rather brilliant Lolamouse, fantastic ballad, with a great message.

Doctor FTSE said...

Very commendable treatment of a serious problem.

Peter Goulding said...

I never thought of a border but of course it fits perfectly with the wordplay on crooked - not straight or unfair.

Helen said...

Love your pairing ~ beautiful, wise words with the Google Earth image.

John Greenwood said...

( I vote "1 Clam" )
To get from, "I am a crooked line." to the content of your poem took a dead straight path______________.
Well done Lolamouse

Enchanted Oak said...

I liked your choice of which crooked line to be. Your ballad has an authentic voice. Good work, mouse.

beccagivens said...

" ...It's mankind's folly to dispute
What's Nature's own design."

Nicely done!

K McGee said...

This most definately stirs one to thought.

Lolamouse said...

Thank you everyone for all of the encouraging comments! I think this poem was inspired by my reading "3 Cups of Tea" about a man's work building schools for children in Pakistan and Afghanistan and all of the border issues there. Very interesting read if you haven't read it yet.

Mr Watson said...

Very Nice !

mypastmademe said...

Think I'm going nuts ... thought I'd commented on this already. The way you've matched your subject to a map ... 2 words: love it! :)

Mia said...

sorry, I'm a little slow this week!
awards are in. :)

Luna


http://lunawitch15.wordpress.com/