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Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Cinquains For a Saturday



Change or Die
Hanging
On the door frame
Opaque chrysalis clings
Butterfly inside its tight skin
Black, dead

source
 In the Bush
Robins
Eating berries
Holly bushes rustle
Squawks and feathers fill the chill air
Dog barks

21 comments:

aprille said...

You made it into true nature lines with sounds and sights. Loved the squawks and feathers.

Grace said...

The first one is deadly tight and the second one is filled with nature's charm ~

Poet Laundry said...

I really enjoyed both of these! That first one is so tight and perfect. The second captures a moment in nature in a way that takes me right there. Love what you did with the form.

Marian said...

yes, wow! great snapshots, both. the first is so unexpected. at first i giggled because THAT'S a strong title :) but wow, your observation is keen and dark, too. not what you want to find in your doorway. and i love the unexpected last line in the second. great!

Fireblossom said...

Very nice indeed, Ms. Mouse. :-)

Susan said...

You nicely caught the end twist. Neat!

Brian Miller said...

ha. really like your first one...its tight...the second, easy to see...and i am hoping the bird made it away...

Kateri said...

These do leave me hanging a bit. Is the butterfly really dead? Did the dog eat the bird? Well done.

Ella said...

I really enjoyed how vibrant and so vivid, yours are! Amazing...I could see them both~ I love the photos, too...
Yeah, you did add the twist! ;D

Helen said...

Cinquains for the outdoor enthusiast! Very nice.

kkkkaty said...

vivid images here;)

vivinfrance said...

Beautiful and great use of the form. I don't think the butterfly is dead - merely waiting, as we are, for warmth.

Loredana Donovan said...

I agree with Kateri. The ending is open-ended and could be interpreted in different ways. Chilling ... with strong nature imagery and a twist. Well done :)

Kerry O'Connor said...

There is something almost Oriental in your presentation of the natural images within these poems.

Laura said...

feel like I'm right there in each experience with you.

hedgewitch said...

Great job with the title especially on the first one, LM. Both are structurally intense and pack a punch, but of course, I like the darker one. ;_)

Susie Clevenger said...

Change or Die...I love that title. Both cinquain are gorgeous.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Ack! for the butterfly.......I love the noisy birds in the second one though! Such good writing, one sees it clearly. I can even feel the cobwebs!!!!

myheartslovesongs.com said...

the first one really ends in a surprise! both have such excellent imagery! you definitely know your cinquains, Ms Mouse!

Kathe W. said...

Saturday we could hear the tree frogs for the first time this year....I think it's too soon, but what a lovely sound just like your words spoken out loud.

purplepeninportland said...

These are wonderful, Lola. They are easily seen.