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Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. Leonard Cohen

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Joyful Kitchen

image from Magpie Tales 55
Hello and welcome back to the Joyful Kitchen! I'm your host Joy Gladwell, and today we're welcoming spring with a lovely picnic lunch, just perfect for those sunny April afternoons in the park with the husband and kids! Or maybe a romantic little tryst under a tree with your sweetie (giggle, giggle!)

Anyway, we've already made our delicious chicken salad and packed it up with ice packs in our insulated cooler for no more than 2 hours, right? We have our bread packed separately so our sandwiches don't get soggy because who likes a soggy sandwich? I know I don't! We have our fresh fruit packed, yum, it looks so juicy and good, I can't wait! Now all we need is something to drink!

What better to go with a spring picnic lunch than fresh squeezed lemonade? It's sweet and tart, and when you make it yourself, you can control how much sugar your family gets in their drinks, not like those store-bought mixes. Also there's no artificial colors or flavorings. It's just so worth the little bit of extra work to do yourself! Come on, I'll show you!

First, we need about 6 lemons or enough to make 1 cup of lemon juice. Remember, wash those lemons off first! And here's a little trick for juicing them: just pop them in your microwave for a few seconds to warm them up slightly, roll them on the counter with the palm of your hand, then slice and squeeze. You'll get more juice out of them than if they're cold! You can use a fork to help you mash the pulp to get all that good juice out. It's not hard, though. I've already done 4 of them, and here's lemon number 5. Just take that knife, and slice it in...

Oh my! I seem to have cut my thumb a bit. What do I always say about using knives? Dull knives are more dangerous than sharp because you have to use more force! Who forgot to sharpen my knives? Oh dear, it does appear to be bleeding...Well, a joyful kitchen should always be a prepared kitchen! Where are my band-aids? Let's see...I'll just wrap this drippy little thumb in a kitchen towel while I hunt for the band-aids that should be clearly visible but for some God forsaken reason are NOT! Here's another quick hint: to get blood stains out of cloth, like this towel, use cold water, not hot. It works so much better. I know I'll keep that tip in mind when I murder whoever didn't sharpen my knives and failed to stock band-aids in this damn kitchen! Ha ha, just kidding!

Whoa, this thumb is sure bleeding! Soaked right through the towel! But cool heads prevail in the joyful kitchen! We'll just find some rubber gloves and stick the hand in there until we finish with our lemonade because when life gives you lemons, what is that saying? I can't remember. I'm feeling a little dizzy. Oh, look how the blood is dripping on the counter and the floor! That's not very sanitary! Remember to clean up all spills immediately with warm water and a diluted bleach solution. Yes, that sounds delicious! I'll go make one now! Oops, the floor is rather red and slippery! How did I get down here? Weren't we supposed to go on a picnic? Tune in next week when the Joyful Kitchen does...something...else. Goodnight.

submitted for Mag55

17 comments:

Laynee said...

I love it! Definitely tells a good story behind the photo.

LovkynÄ› said...

nice! anything that makes fun of those cooking/home shows is automatic win. i like how she just kept going like a robot. witty monologue. ^_^

Elaine said...

Quick...dial 911 with the other hand. I loved it!

thingy said...

LOL. Wonderful.

Lyn said...

You are so "Martha", but much more hilarious!!Next week, perhaps skewering a kebob? Love this...

Christine said...

Love love love this, I can just hear the drippy sweet voice and see the colourful apron that she is wearing. I would love to read another monologue from this woman. Please continue.

Dave King said...

Yup! Good tale, well told. Like it lots. Well done.

Tess Kincaid said...

I am laughing OUT loud!!

Trellissimo said...

Over here it 999 - but it's just as quick to dial, luckily!!!

Friko said...

Not only did I find a good laugh here, I also found a couple of handy tips.
Great magpie.

Southwest Arkie said...

Delightfully bloody tale!

Tumblewords: said...

And that's why I became a non-cooker. :) It's such a dangerous hobby. I love this frenetic piece!

Iwrite4u said...

Lol..that was very nice.Well written script

Reflections said...

LOL... fantastic piece... now who left those knives dull? Mine are probably a bit on the dangerous side too!

Kavita said...

hahahahah...what a well-woven story!! Seems to fit PERFECTLY with the image!! :)) What an imagination you have, my friend!! AWESOME!!

As blood as this one was, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!! That poor lady's joyfulness seemed to be going down the drain... LOLZ! (How mean can I get!!)

Olivia said...

Oh my Gawd!

Can't stop laughing. The lemon # 5 seems to have avenged for stabbing the 4 of those with a fork! was he seeing lemon # 6? Did he really want to save her... or him?

Oh well, take my advise, leave the two of them alone. Let them lead their life till they dry out in the refrigerator shelf..

Thanks for inviting me to your Joyful kitchen!
Loved it..
More of it- xox

Lena said...

Lola - that was fantastic...! A totally new spin to 'pie entertainment. I shall henceforward to the kitchen and check all them steely edges...!