Betty wiped her forehead to keep the sweat and the rogue piece of limp, gray hair out of her eyes. She'd been dusting, vacuuming, and doing laundry all morning, and the physical strain was starting to wear on her 60 year-old body. Still, she moved with a grim purpose, her work nearly complete. She was not a woman to sing while she worked, not even hum. There was nothing enjoyable here, so why try to pretend? She lifted the figurine from the dresser to dust it and paused just a moment. Studying the sleek, black intertwined figures, she frowned. It reminded her of that biblical passage, about marriage, about "cleaving unto each other" and "becoming one flesh." If that was so, then what happened when people divorced, she wondered. She replaced the dusted figurine and surveyed the room. Done. Betty exhaled a small sigh, sat down on the bed, and closed her eyes. And then it came. The voice from the other room. "Where's my lunch, woman? I'm hungry, goddammit, and if I have to wait for your sorry ass to get moving much longer, you're gonna regret it!" Betty startled slightly, then rose from the bed. She tucked the rogue hair back behind her ear again and quietly walked back over to the dresser where she quickly withdrew a twenty dollar bill from her husband's wallet. As she feigned straightening the bedsheets one last time, she pressed the bill under her side of the mattress where it joined the others.
14 comments:
hah! I hope that's the last $20 she needs before she leaves....good grief. Well done!
you got talent here.
keep it up.
Nice one Betty!
Wow. And I mean wow. This was great.
I like the introspection and biblical allusion.
I hope she takes all of his money and run...but not before throwing the figurine at him. A good and unique take on the prompt, I like it and want to know the ending!
What a lot is going in a little tale!
Ha! LOVE it!!
Love this... deep thoughts, many layers to such a short little tale.
Thanks for all the great feedback everyone!
I ignored this prompt because I found it incomprehensible. You did great work with it, not too long, not too wordy, not too sparse, with a very nice twist at the end. Nice magpie, and nice writing.
I love the subtlety and power of that last line. Good for her!
Oh, I answered your question about the 2-3-2 haiku on my blog, but the short answer is I don't think there's a name for it. :-)
Subtlely inciteful and insightful. Enjoyed the hidden narrative band to grab our interest as it then 'snapped', pleasingly at the end.
"subtle" or "subtlety" sorry for the misspell. Tried to catch it before I sent it but, ooops, my right hand is the dominant and the 'L' was pressed before the 't'. Hate it when that happens. Must be amidlife hand crisis.
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