Which Princess Are You?

Photo by Christopher Jobson for Colossal

The princesses of Dismaland

are dismayed

by their company's poor marketing strategies

and lackluster consumer demand

Tinderella

is desperately seeking a hook-up

She checks her phone constantly

disappointed by the dearth of hot guys

Snow White Lives Matter Too

thinks she's socially conscious

and not at all racist

but just doesn't get it

Mariel

escaped her country on a crappy little boat

filled with convicts and the mentally ill

and nearly drowned in toxic waste-filled water

Jazzmine

is a brilliant artist

She is addicted to heroin

and will eventually be found dead in the Castle

Belle Jarre

is quite melancholy

and wanders the park 

with her head in an oven

Chip and Dale

two washed-up ex-strippers

try to enliven the girls by offering lap dances

There are no takers

Even Pluto

the princesses' favorite pet

can't help cheer them up 

Corporate deemed him no longer a character

He now sits outside the gates

howling at passers-by

and begging for scraps.

submitted for Imaginary Garden With Real Toads, Tuesday Platform