Willow Manor Ball!

I'm so excited! The Annual Willow Manor Ball is finally here! This evening marks my first appearance at the ball, so I've decided to make up for the ones I've missed by inviting 3 guests. Tacky? I think not. There will be plenty of merriment to go around!

First, however, my dress! My darling daughter assisted me in choosing this lovely Renaissance-inspired beauty. I think it will look amazing out on the dance floor, don't you?

Now, the accessories, I mean, the escorts. First of all, I will be bringing Mr. Johnny Depp. His wife is off somewhere creating some fashion faux pas of her own and agrees that Johnny deserves the opportunity to be seen with someone who isn't dressed to be featured as the punchline to a Joan Rivers joke.  Surprisingly, he insisted on attending the Ball in costume as Captain Jack Sparrow, but I insisted that the monkey stay at home.

Johnny is obsessed with the peanuts

so dashing!

Next on my guest list is Oscar Wilde. He is a marvel for witty conversation, and I thought he would be loads of fun! He said, "One should either be a work of art or wear a work of art," so how could I go wrong with Johnny and Oscar on my arms?

Never one to be unfair, I decided to also invite a female escort. Dorothy Parker seemed a good choice. I thought she would enjoy the reparte with Johnny and Oscar and the rest of the Willow Manor gang. She initially turned me down (Well, I never!) but then changed her mind once she heard about Tess's Last Word Cocktails. I warned her not to drink too much and embarrass herself,

I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take 1 or 2 at the most
3 and I'm under the table
4 and I'm under the host

but I was brusquely dismissed.  Oh well, it should be amusing.

One small favor to ask of Lucy, to whom Tess has graciously given the key to the wine cellar so that she could give Nigella Lawson an "extended" tour. I'm planning to have a "friend" drop off Giada DeLaurentiis by the back door of Willow Manor (she will not be dressed to attend the Ball.) If someone could see to it that she is also given the extended wine cellar tour, perhaps with a tour of the root cellar, and if she happens to "accidentally" become locked inside for the winter, that someone may find some unexpected money in his or her pocket after the Ball. Just sayin'.