Willow Manor Ball!

I'm so excited! The Annual Willow Manor Ball is finally here! This evening marks my first appearance at the ball, so I've decided to make up for the ones I've missed by inviting 3 guests. Tacky? I think not. There will be plenty of merriment to go around!

First, however, my dress! My darling daughter assisted me in choosing this lovely Renaissance-inspired beauty. I think it will look amazing out on the dance floor, don't you?

Now, the accessories, I mean, the escorts. First of all, I will be bringing Mr. Johnny Depp. His wife is off somewhere creating some fashion faux pas of her own and agrees that Johnny deserves the opportunity to be seen with someone who isn't dressed to be featured as the punchline to a Joan Rivers joke.  Surprisingly, he insisted on attending the Ball in costume as Captain Jack Sparrow, but I insisted that the monkey stay at home.

Johnny is obsessed with the peanuts

so dashing!

Next on my guest list is Oscar Wilde. He is a marvel for witty conversation, and I thought he would be loads of fun! He said, "One should either be a work of art or wear a work of art," so how could I go wrong with Johnny and Oscar on my arms?

Never one to be unfair, I decided to also invite a female escort. Dorothy Parker seemed a good choice. I thought she would enjoy the reparte with Johnny and Oscar and the rest of the Willow Manor gang. She initially turned me down (Well, I never!) but then changed her mind once she heard about Tess's Last Word Cocktails. I warned her not to drink too much and embarrass herself,

I wish I could drink like a lady
I can take 1 or 2 at the most
3 and I'm under the table
4 and I'm under the host

but I was brusquely dismissed.  Oh well, it should be amusing.

One small favor to ask of Lucy, to whom Tess has graciously given the key to the wine cellar so that she could give Nigella Lawson an "extended" tour. I'm planning to have a "friend" drop off Giada DeLaurentiis by the back door of Willow Manor (she will not be dressed to attend the Ball.) If someone could see to it that she is also given the extended wine cellar tour, perhaps with a tour of the root cellar, and if she happens to "accidentally" become locked inside for the winter, that someone may find some unexpected money in his or her pocket after the Ball. Just sayin'.

The Ceiling Tile

I stared up at the ceiling and counted the tiles, trying to distract myself. My attention, however, kept returning to the one directly above my head. It was covered with an old water stain. The rust colored blotch spread out over the tile like dried blood. It seemed so out of place in this building of high tech gadgets and the best trained doctors in the world.  "Now try not to move," I heard the lab tech say. I lay on the table, my pregnant belly a souffle about to be poked before it was finished baking. I imagined it collapsing beneath the amniocentesis needle with a "poof!" ending my questionable pregnancy before it even had a chance. I didn't dare look at the ultrasound machine.  Instead, I watched the minute hand sweep a slow circle on the wall clock.  It was supposed to be over in a minute, and it was. Afterward, I was glad my husband was there to drive me home. I wasn't in pain. Pain would have been welcome. I was numb, with intermittent stabs of terror. I existed in that state for the next 3 weeks.

submitted for RememberRED-Just Before You Start

Little King

image Sowa, Little King

It's good to be King

but it's been three days and

I'm almost out of clean underwear

I don't really mind

the instant coffee but

breakfast would be nice

and I'm sick of take-out

Why won't she answer my calls?

Why won't she come home?

My home is my castle but

my castle has dirty bathrooms and

I can't find the remote

It's too quiet at night and

the bed is too big

Where has she gone?

The King demands some answers!

(please?)

submitted for Magpie Tales 86

Don't Miss It!

DON'T MISS THE CYBER EVENT OF THE YEAR!!!

click here for details

The lovely and gracious Tess of Willow Manor is opening her charming cyber home to all of blogland for the annual Willow Manor Ball to be held on October 12, 2011. It is an event not to be missed! I'm shopping for my dress at this moment!